That time of the month
by Dark Opal
Summary: Chichi and Bulma have their 'time of the month'. The result: two extremely cheesed off wives. What'll happen to the Saiyans?
1. There's nothing funny about burnt pancak...

Goku yawned. He glanced out of the window.

"Perfect day!" he said happily, basking in the warmth of the sun. He went to the toilet and washed up, whistling cheerfully. He then took a warm shower, pleased at the tingly feeling the water had, hitting hard on his skin. He stepped out and toweled his long black hair dry then headed downstairs, humming a tune that he had heard in town somewhere. He went straight to the kitchen and sat down at the table, a huge grin on his face. He sat there for a while then suspected that something was wrong. He couldn't see or hear his wife anywhere, and… did he smell something… BURNT?

"Chichi?" he called. There was a frustrated sigh of aggravation then Chichi's voice.

"What do you want?" she snapped. Goku was mildly startled by the tone of her voice, but he decided he must have heard something wrong.

"Where's breakfast?" he asked. There was a silence then Goku's wife stormed in, a plate in her hand.

"Here" she said, banging it down. Goku stared at what looked like a pile of burnt tires. He prodded one with his fork and it immediately disintegrated into ash.

"I can't eat this!" he exclaimed. Chichi suddenly whirled around and picked him up by the front of his clothes.

"Listen up buster, I spent my whole morning cooking that for you, so now you're going to eat it and ENJOY it! UNDERSTAND?" she screeched.

"Um… are you mad, Chichi?" the tall man asked tentatively, rather alarmed at the fact that Chichi had the strength to lift him so his feet were actually dangling off the floor. What he had meant was 'are you angry Chichi'.

Chichi misinterpreted it as 'are you crazy Chichi'.

"So my cooking's not good enough for you?" she said in a dark undertone.

"Huh?"

"Do you know what I do to people who don't like my cooking?"

"What? Chi-"

"I kill them"

Goku was surprised to find that he was actually scared.

"But you know what? I'm in a forgiving mood"

"Uh…"

Chichi released him hard so he stumbled backwards. "So I'll give you a choice, Son Goku. You can either eat my pancakes-"

_Oh, so that's what they were_, Goku thought.

"Or you can eat your boots with a plastic knife" Chichi finished. Goku raised an eyebrow and grinned at her.

"You're joking, right, Chichi?" he asked hopefully. She slammed her hand flat onto the kitchen counter.

"Does it LOOK like I'm joking?" she snarled. Goku looked into her eyes, blazing like fire.

He gulped, sent out a silent prayer and sat down to eat the pancakes.


	2. Where's my breakfast?

Vegeta walked into the kitchen after a hard workout and sat down, a damp towel around his neck. He used a corner of it to wipe the sweat off his forehead then looked around angrily.

"Woman! Where's my BREAKFAST!" he bellowed, angry that his favorite meal of the day wasn't awaiting him as it usually was. Bulma appeared in the kitchen, a scowl on her face. She took a deep breath.

"Fix it yourself," she said. Vegeta wasn't sure he heard her right.

"What?"

A growl issued from somewhere at the back of Bulma's throat. "I SAID, fix it your-SELF," she said, making each syllable loud and clear.

"You dare to stand up against me?" Vegeta asked disbelievingly. Bulma took another deep breath and scrunched her eyes tight, as if trying to calm herself down.

"Vegeta. You want breakfast. You fix it. YOURSELF" she said, her voice tight. Vegeta didn't quite catch the tone of her voice.

"What is wrong with you? Fix me my breakfast!"

Bulma snarled in an almost feral way and stomped to the refrigerator slamming the door open. Vegeta frowned. What was WRONG with her today?

Bulma walked to the table and slammed down a packet of bread and a jar of marmalade so hard that the jar cracked.

"There. Fix it yourself"

"This is BREAKFAST?" Vegeta scowled. 

Something snapped in Bulma. By the strange look on her face, Vegeta knew he had gone too far. The woman stormed to the refrigerator and banged the door open so hard it flew off its hinges. Before Vegeta could react a piece of cold ham slapped him in the face.

"What the-"

"YOU WANT BREAKFAST?" Bulma screeched, hurling cold food at her husband at an abnormal speed. "HERE'S YOUR BREAKFAST!"

Vegeta ducked as a frozen chicken soared over his head, just whapping his hair. Bulma paused for a while, panting.

"Are you all right?" Vegeta asked, slightly alarmed but trying to cover it up by sounding concerned. For an instant Bulma seemed to go back to her normal self.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling in a good mood today… I'm fine"

Vegeta smirked. "Good. Then you can fix me breakfast"

Bulma froze and her face turned to the floor, so Vegeta couldn't see her expression. Her whole body twitched and she slowly clenched her fists.

_Uh oh…_ Vegeta thought and started to edge toward the door. With a snarl that Vegeta would have been proud of if he hadn't been having a heart attack and being scared out of his life she grabbed her husband savagely by the shoulder and hair.

One minute later Vegeta found himself trussed up in steel –how Bulma had managed to bend it right around him had completely amazed him- in a cold dark cellar next to his bound and gagged son.


	3. Five male Saiyans and the mission of the...

"WHAT? NO MORE?" Chichi screeched, holding up an empty plastic bag. She started throwing everything in the closet out. "There's got to be some more! There's GOT to be! GOTEN!" she screamed for her youngest son. Seeking salvation Goten hurriedly ducked into the tiny room kept for storing shoes.

"Hey, what are you guys doing here?" he asked.

"Gah!" Gohan yelped. He grabbed Goten in and slammed the door shut, pulling the boy to the floor where he and his father were sitting in cramped positions.

"You want to get us killed?" he whispered furiously.

"Goku! Gohan? Goten? Where are you?" Chichi yelled, walking out to the room.

"Are we gonna die?" Goten asked.

"I don't think so…" Goku said uncertainly.

"Don't make me come FIND you!" Chichi shouted.

"Daddy, I'm scared" Goten said, whimpering. Goku pulled his sons into a tight embrace.

"Don't worry, I'm scared too… we'll just stick together okay? We're all gonna be alright if we all stick together…"

"You're SCARED?" Gohan asked incredulously.

_Why else would I be hiding in a shoe closet…_ Goku wondered. Gohan saw the look on his father's face and sighed woefully.

"We're doomed," he muttered. The door suddenly slammed open, revealing a very irate Chichi.

The three Saiyans tried to huddle into a corner and make themselves as small as possible.

"There you are!" Chichi cried triumphantly. Grabbing a whimpering Goku by the ear and her two yelping sons by their hair she dragged them through the hall and up the stairs before depositing them roughly in front of the cupboard in the master bedroom. She held up the empty plastic bag.

"Do you see this?" she demanded. "THIS used to be full. Now it is empty. WHY"

Goten vaguely remembered finding the objects and using it with Trunks as target practice, not knowing what it was.

"Uh…" he started.

"You are going to go to the supermarket and buy me more. And a tub of rocky road ice-cream"

"More what?" Goku asked. It was a pink plastic bag, giving no hint of what had once been inside it.

"Pads!"

"Pads?" Goten asked, the image of arm and kneepads appearing in his mind. By the looks on Goku's and Gohan's face they were equally confused as to why the woman was getting so uptight over something she really didn't need.

"Don't you know what they ARE?" Chichi exclaimed. The three exchanged looks then slowly, cautiously shook their heads. Chichi scowled.

"Sanitary napkins?" she tried. The three looked clueless. Chichi looked like she was about to explode.

"Go to the supermarket and LOOK for it, okay?" she yelled. The three stared blankly at her.

"NOW!" she screeched. 

The three were out of the house in the next second.

Trunks finally managed to get the gag to slip down off his mouth.

"Dad?" he asked. There was a silence.

"Dad?" he tried again. There was a grunt.

"Is mom okay?" he asked. There was a silence then Vegeta sighed.

"I don't think so"

"Has this happened before?"

"No"

Trunks paused then said, "I think I can break out of these"

"Hn"

"Can you break out of that?"

"Of course I can!"

"Then should we break out?"

Vegeta stared at his son. "Are you INSANE?"

The door suddenly swung open and light flooded into the room, blinding the two males.

"Trunks" Bulma said in a dangerously quiet undertone that sent chills up their spines.

"Y… yes mom?"

Bulma held out an empty green bag and shook it. "This was full"

"It looks uh… empty"

"Precisely"

Trunks seemed to remember using the items inside for target practice after he and Goten had blown up all of Chichi's.

"So now I have none," Bulma said, her voice getting lower and deadlier.

"Is that… bad?"

"Yes, Trunks. That is very, very bad"

Trunks gulped. "I'm… sorry?"

"Sorry's not enough"

"Am I in trouble?"

"Oh yes. BIG trouble"

Trunks gulped again. "Please don't kill me?"

Bulma smiled a strange half smile. "Oh, I won't kill you. All you have to do is go to the supermarket"

"That's all?" Trunks said, relieved.

"And get me more of these"

"What's that?" Trunks asked.

"Pads"

"Pads?" Trunks asked dubiously, imagining the bag being stuffed full of notepads. He was pretty sure that the items that he and Goten had blown up were not notepads.

"Feminine protection. And ice-cream. Ube flavored"

"What's ube…"

"Find it yourself"

"But…"

"Go"

"But I don't…"

"Now" 

Trunks 'gleeped', easily snapped out of his rope binding and zoomed through the wall. Now that the boy was gone Bulma turned her attention to Vegeta.

"And where do you think YOU'RE going?" she said to Vegeta who had already snapped out of his steel bonds and was trying to sneak away into the ventilation shaft.

"Nowhere…"

"Well, that's good, because you're going with your son"

"What?"

"You are going to the supermarket with Trunks"

Vegeta tried to look like he was still in control. He smirked, despite the fact that he was on his hands and knees on the floor.

"You can't order ME around… I'm the Saiyan prince!" he declared. Bulma narrowed her eyes.

"Don't make me come over there…" she threatened in a deadly undertone.

Vegeta left a hole of his own in the wall as he blasted after his son.

"Now what were we supposed to look for again?" Goku wondered.

"Pads, I think…" Goten said.

"Got them" Gohan said, appearing with arm and kneepads in his hands. He dumped them into the shopping cart. Goku stared at the pads.

"What would Chichi want with these?" he wondered. Gohan sighed.

"You're right, these probably aren't what she wanted…"

"Hey! Didn't mom say something about san… san… san something napkins?"

"Yeah!" Goku said. Goten ran off then returned.

"What type do you think she wants?" he asked.

"Let's go see…" Goku said, wheeling the cart over. Gohan looked at the ones on the shelf.

"Colored party napkins, cloth napkins, barbecue napkins, plain napkins…" he read.

"There are too many!" Goku exclaimed. "How'll we know which she wants?"

"Maybe the colored ones… they've got nice colors" Goten suggested.

"But why would she want party napkins?"

"Maybe she's… throwing a party?" Gohan asked.

"I don't think so…" Goku frowned.

"I know! Let's get them all!" Goten chirped. "Then we can't be wrong!"

"Good idea!" Goku exclaimed and they started to pile the napkins into the cart. Gohan looked at the napkins.

"What have these napkins got to do with pads though?" he wondered.

"Maybe she wants these pads too?" Goten asked, holding up the arm and kneepads.

"How could she have fitted the pads AND the napkins into that plastic bag? I think it was only one item"

"Hmmm…" Goku thought hard. Suddenly…

"But I don't think mom MEANT new socks!" a voice came. Goten brightened.

"It's Trunks! TRUNKS!" he bellowed. There was a pause then Trunks appeared with Vegeta who was wheeling the cart, a humiliated expression on his face.

"Hi! What're you doing here?" Trunks asked.

"Mom sent us to get pads… do you know what pads are?" Goten asked.

"Pads? That's weird, that's what mom told US to get too!" Trunks exclaimed. "Right dad?"

"I can't believe it… Me, a Saiyan prince, terrified by my own wife, now in a SUPERMARKET with KAKAROTT and his brats…" Vegeta muttered. "The humiliation…"

"Uh, right" Trunks said, grinning. "Hey, since we're looking for the same thing, maybe we should work together!"

"Right!" Goten said.

"Right, so mom told us to get pads… she also called them fem… femin… feminine protection"

"Really? Our mom told us they were called sanitoilet napkins" Goten said. Trunks thought hard.

"So we're looking for pads also known as feminine protection and sanitoilet napkins," he murmured.

"Are you sure it was sanitoilet? I've never heard of the word sanitoilet napkins in my life" Gohan said.

"Yeah, I'm quite sure" Goten said. Trunks suddenly brightened.

"I know! Why don't we just ask?"

"Perfect!" Goten said and the two rushed off to the nearest person, who turned out to be an eighty year old woman.

"Um, excuse us…" Trunks said politely, "but we would like to know where to get some pads… also known as feminine protection and sanitoilet napkins?"

The woman turned red. "You perverted boy! How dare you ask such questions!" she shrieked and started clobbering the two with her walking stick.

"Hey ow what you doing that for lady, we were just asking a question, SHEESH" Trunks said. The woman thwacked him on the head with her stick once more and he and Goten hurried back to their families.

"She was very rude" Trunks said, sticking his tongue out at the woman when she turned her back.

"Ow ow ow…" Goten whimpered, clutching his head.

"Maybe we should go ask… I think it's just that people don't take kids seriously," Goku suggested to Vegeta. Vegeta scowled but walked with Goku to the old woman.

"Excuse me ma'am, but we would like to know where we can get… what's it called again?"

"Feminine napkins" Vegeta said, arms folded.

"Yes, that, because-"

"You sick, disgusting people!" the woman shrieked and started whacking Vegeta and Goku with the stick.

"No, you don't unders-" Goku tried to protest.

"Were those two your sons? You are a bad influence on them, no wonder! You terrible, disgusting, perverted fathers!" the woman started yelling louder. A crowd starting gathering.

"Would you just shut up?" Vegeta muttered.

"You dare to tell me to shut up? How dare you! So RUDE, no wonder your children are so disgusting-"

Vegeta grabbed the stick and snapped it in half then hurled it as hard as he could through aisles of fresh fruits, snacks and stationary before smashing out through the solid hard concrete wall.

Everyone stared.

Vegeta smirked then walked back.

"That really wasn't necessary…" Goku said.

"That woman was annoying me" Vegeta shrugged. Goku sighed.

"Oh well, I guess we'll just have to find it ourselves…"

"Why is this damned supermarket so BIG?" Gohan moaned.

"Yeah dad, we've been in here for three HOURS…"

"Do you want to ask then?"

"No…"

"Then don't complain"

"I can't take this anymore!" Trunks yelled. He saw a shop assistant. "I'll ask her, she should know!" he said and ran to her. The four males saw him asking the woman. She blushed a dark red then asked him something. Trunks pointed to Vegeta. She walked over to the group.

"Sir, do you know your son asked me where to buy… pads and what they… are?" she asked, her face still a dark red.

"Yes, so?" Vegeta asked.

"Um, well, little children should not be asking such things…"

"I don't know what they are myself, is it such a crime if my son knows?" Vegeta snapped. The shop assistant turned darker red.

"Well, it's not that, I just mean that… no, I mean… don't you…"

"Why don't you just show us where to get them?" Goku asked patiently. The woman looked like she was about to explode but calmed herself down.

"Here" the woman said, leading the group. The men stared at the packets.

"Those are pads? They look like packs," Gohan said.

"There are so many…" Trunks said, overwhelmed. "Which one would mom want?"

"Absorbent, super absorbent, soft… what's the difference between them all?" Goku asked the woman. The woman made a choking sound.

"They're… sir… these… WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" she shrieked. Goten and Trunks looked up at her innocently.

"What?" they asked at the same time. They had opened up a pack of the pads and had tossed them into the air, and now Trunks had one in his hands.

"What… are you… doing…" the woman asked faintly.

"Look, the package says it has wings… shouldn't it fly?" Goten asked, pointing to the empty plastic packaging.

"Yeah, and how is this soft? It's flat! Should it even be a bit bouncy? You can be sued for not telling the truth lady" Trunks said severely.

"How do you put them on?" Goten asked. He opened up a pad and put it on his head. "Like this?"

The woman went pale.

"I don't see how this is protection in any way" Goten complained.

"Yeah, it's flat and stupid and doesn't fly even though it has wings and I can't even see the wings" Trunks said, picking the opened pad from Goten's head and staring at it curiously, poking and prodding it.

The woman could take no more.

She fainted.

The five males stared down at her. "I think maybe we should just pick a pack and just leave now…" Gohan said, glancing at the woman and the gathered crowd.

"'Kay" Goten said and grabbed two packs, one for Chichi and one for Bulma. Goku, Vegeta, Gohan and Goten started to leave. Trunks looked at the pad in his hands and the unconscious woman, then, him being of a good sort, placed the pad under her head on the floor so that hopefully it wouldn't hurt so much when she awoke.

Vegeta's stomach rumbled and he flushed, embarrassed.

"Hungry?" Gohan asked sympathetically. "Mom didn't make anything for breakfast either"

"You're lucky" Goku said, placing his hand over his stomach, "I had to eat her pancakes. All of them"

He looked as if he was about to be sick.

"Why don't we go get something to eat? We're all hungry…" Trunks suggested. The rest agreed and they headed towards a McDonalds.

Ten minutes later they munched happily on their burgers, the table stacked high with food.

"Who would have thought women would get so uptight over these things?" Goku said pointing at the bag containing the precious pads, having obviously regained his appetite.

"Women are strange" Vegeta agreed, in a better mood now that his hunger was being satisfied.

"I hope that never happens again. Mom sure was scary" Trunks said.

"Same here" said Goten, gorging into the fries.

"Know what?" Gohan said.

"What?"

"I don't think I'll ever get married. If one day that happened to me again…" he shivered. "I don't wanna be the one to go to the supermarket"

"May you never get married!" Goku said cheerfully. They toasted to that then finished off their meal.

"What took you so long?" Chichi snapped when the three Sons got home. The three stared at the room apprehensively; it looked like Chichi had been taking out her wrath on the poor room with a frying pan. The woman started advancing towards them and they all subconsciously took a step back.

"Probably out eating, am I right? Always eating, never care about how I feel, do you?"

"We were hungry…"

"You're ALWAYS hungry, ALL of you! Do you have any idea how hard it is to feed THREE-"

"Um, we got the pads…" Goku said, holding out the shopping bag.

"FINALLY!" Chichi said, grabbing the bag then rushing off to the toilet.

"Phew, saved…" Goku sighed in relief and his sons agreed.

"You took your time!" Bulma snapped.

"We ran into the Sons" Vegeta said.

"Oh, so what were you doing? Stopped to fight, didn't you? Always fighting, that's all you can think about, your poor wife is at home SUFFERING and you're off fighting and-"

"We got them," Vegeta said, handing over the pads. Bulma squealed, snatched the bag with the sacred items inside and raced off to the toilet.

"Saved…" Trunks said and Vegeta agreed.

Half an hour later…

"WHERE'S MY ICE-CREAM?!?" both women hollered. In both houses the males panicked and quickly found places to cower, Vegeta finding salvation in the washing machine.

"Not again…" they moaned.

~End~

A/N: Ube is actually yam. I love eating it, but people here don't like it cuz it's purple… unfair really, they eat green booger colored tea ice-cream but not lovely purple yam… *sighs*

If anyone will draw me a piccie of Vegeta cramming himself into a washing machine I think I'll die laughing ^^ Poor Veggie!


End file.
